You give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems. You ask questions from your own frame of reference. You judge and then either agree or disagree. I felt the same way.” “I had that same thing happen to me.” “Let me tell you what I did in a similar situation.”īecause you so often listen autobiographically, you tend to respond in one of four ways: Evaluating: And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up.
You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you’re listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. If you’re like most people, you probably seek first to be understood you want to get your point across. But what about listening? What training have you had that enables you to listen so you really, deeply understand another human being? Probably none, right?
#SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD HOW TO#
You spend years learning how to read and write, and years learning how to speak. “Communication is the most important skill in life.
Here’s some of what Stephen Covey has to say:
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